“Forgive and forget”, “Forgive but never forget”, “You are not punished for your anger, you are punished by your anger”, these and many such lines, quotes, proverbs, stories, articles we come across in our reading or while listening to other people. On reading them or listening to these things we usually appreciate and also agree how true these quotes are. Then what happens when the rubber meets the road, why that friction, blame-game, anger and hatred in our relationships cannot be dealt with using the same thinking which we already know (and have advised others many a times). “I” comes in the way and blocks our thinking. Most of the disputes in our relationships are because of some gap in communication and understanding. If there was no real love at all in a relationship there won’t have been that relationship in the first place. Then what is it I get by sticking to MY VIEW POINT?
I get: To be RIGHT, to teach a lesson to the other person, to make the other person realize how bad, cruel, inhuman or unbearable they are, to dominate…etc.
So if I get so much I should be happy and am I happy? (I may show superficially). At a deeper level I am just being “RIGHT”. And what does it cost me to be RIGHT?
It costs me: my peace of mind, contentment, satisfaction and happiness.
Now here is a choice point. At this point on realizing both what one gets and what it costs to get that what can be done? We can choose. (1)We can choose to be right and pay the cost; this may show you as someone who is strong and powerful. Or (2)we can choose to be vulnerable, authentic and expressive. Normally it’s not now that you know the person with whom you are in relationship, you know that person and qualities from before. You just want to change that person as you want (because you are always right). So choosing to accept the person as is and still not compromising on your self-expression you can opt choice (2) to bring life in any relationship. In simple words without digging into the details of arguments which is already happened, without checking who was right/wrong in that discussion/fight, just value the person and the relationship and seek forgiveness…say “I AM SORRY”…alittleBIGthing.
It takes a lot of Courage and lot of generosity to do so. And I know You can do it because I know “You are courageous, you are Generous”.
Thanks for reading.